booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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