Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
