Just fell off a train. Bad.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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