It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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