"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
