He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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