Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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