I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
