my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
