dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
