We're facebook friends in real life
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My cat gives me a boner
I love having hate sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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