fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
