she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
