think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
