I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
