hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
