Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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