im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
