Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize