I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
