also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
