I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
