maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
