I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
