You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
