Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
