first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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