just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
