I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
