God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
