its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
