The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
