this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
