Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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