Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Someone came in the potted fern
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
