community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
