I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
