Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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