I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
