Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
