I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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