so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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