whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
