You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
