I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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