We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
