please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
