How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize