Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
