i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
