hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
