How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I supernannyed him into submission
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
