how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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