So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Ketchup is God's man juice
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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