unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
