hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
