Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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