just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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