My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
