ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
