Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
