I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
