You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
