those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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