I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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