I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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