I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
