hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
