My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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