I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
