I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
