So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
