apparently the secret to your success is patron
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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