thus making me awesome and them whores
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
