How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
